I'm baaack!

So I took a mini vacation from my blog. A lot was happening during December and though I did continue cooking like crazy and enjoying my sweet baby, I just needed some time. We lost our dog Star in December. It was one of the hardest things I have had to go through. She was my first baby, my first dog that I was solely responsible for, and most importantly she was my best friend. We adopted Star just a few days before my Grandma Rita passed away. On our way back in town after the funeral we picked Star up. The thing about Star was that her first few days with us were not exactly blissful. She was a rescue dog that had been forced to breed. She lived in a small outdoor cage where she was separated from her babies and not loved or cared for. Her life up until the point we got her was awful and you can't expect a dog to come out normal from something like that. She stayed in her crate the entire first day. The first night she made some noises so I went to her crate in the dark which really scared her so she started screaming at me. I cried, she cried. It was awful.

The next day I finally called the PUP organization I got her from and they told me I needed to force her out of the kennel. I put a leash on her and pulled her out. She came out and put her head in my lap. We have been inseparable ever since that day. That first month was hard. I had just lost my Grandmother and Christmas was just starting. I remember that Christmas as being the most heartbreaking. All I wanted to do was lay in bed, but we had house guests so I wasn't able to wallow in my sadness. I see photos of me from that Christmas and I look so unhappy and not at all like myself. I think the fact that Star was also hurting and sad, broken from her life up until that point, that we were became soul mates in a way. She could feel my sadness and felt like she had a companion in the darkness. I think it was two months before I even knew she had a tail because she was so afraid of everything.

As the winter began to thaw, Star became more comfortable. I think she realized that she was actually home. She didn't have to share her food, she had lots of toys that her just hers, and she had a giant bed that every day it was still there when she woke up. She was easy to potty train and would play with her toys for hours. She even knew how to fetch which still amazes us considering she didn't have toys the first few years of her life. She blossomed and found a place into our home and our hearts.

In the Spring after our Europe trip we noticed Star had a bump on her nose. It didn't seem to bother her, but I told the vet about it anyway. He felt it and said it was probably just a little cyst or something and to keep an eye out it. It grew and grew, but she didn't seem bothered by it at all. Then come this fall, almost a year later, and it was just too big. Her vet became worried and sent us to a specialist who said it was an aggressive form of cancer. She was very young and also the wrong breed to even have this type of cancer, but regardless she had it. The vet said she only had a few weeks. I was 8 months pregnant and was now being told my baby would never meet my best friend. It was devastating. She seemed fine was the thing. She would play and run and cuddle just like nothing was bothering her. She did fine for about a month, and then she slowed down. She took slower and shorter walks, had trouble jumping on the couch, and her nose was starting to close up. One morning she woke me up crying. I got up, like that first night, and came to her. She didn't scream, she just looked at me and she lay there. I got up and let her out and she ran down the stairs. This is weird for her, because she usually liked to stay in bed or have a nice round of morning pets before we stumble down the stairs for our walk. She went down and stood by her water bowl. I gave her some fresh water and she continued to drink the whole bowl. I filled it again and she drank more. I knew that was bad. Very bad. I get her leash and told her we should go for a walk.I put it on her and she slowly walked out the front door. Then she threw up. She kept walking and walked to the frosty grass and layed down. She wouldn't move she just layed there breathing hard. I picked her up and put her in her bed and woke up Brad. From there we had to make a decision. She was in pain and very sad. We took her in and I had to say goodbye.

I miss her so much. Those words seem so empty in black and white. I still wake up in the night and look at her bed thinking she is there. When I go to bed I look for her to tell her it is bed time. When I get a glass of water I sometimes bend to fill her water bowl. She isn't here, but yet she is. She helped me grow and taught me that no matter how bad our past is, no matter how awful we were treated or what happens to us, it is in the past. Move forward, love and give and most importantly enjoy.

So, that is why I have been away from my blog. I've been heartbroken. I didn't want to write about it because it hurts so bad, but I think everyone who has a pet can relate and I wanted people to know and to remember those little furry friends they may have lost.

If you would like to adopt a pet and give them a forever home please visit People United for Pets or Pet Finder. There are so many animals out there that have been hurt, forgotten, or mistreated by people. I know puppies are tempting, but giving a peice of your heart to an animal in need is worth it. Believe me. This changed my life.

Okay, moving forward.